The Five-Year Engagement: Too Long, Too Trite, Too Unbelievable

The Five-Year Engagement: 124 long, excruciating minutes, 63% Fresh, according to Rotten Tomatoes.

Comedies these days (especially those in the great RomCom genre) suffer from a plethora of issues. First among them is that the stories aren’t strong enough to support a succinct, one hour and thirty minute movie that will entertain and allow the person to leave and be fulfilled. Now, we are forced to watch movies that have to be over two hours long due to a) the story being poorly written and unrealistic to the point that elongated scenes of “awkward comedy” have to be placed in the middle, and due to the movies not being funny at all, this awkwardness hipster movie makers call comedy today is shoved down our throats. I mean, over two hours? This thing needed an intermission. It’s hard enough for dramas to grasp their audiences for two hours, but it’s even harder for a comedy. Half of this movie should have been on the DVD special disc along with the other three hours of “deleted awkward scenes posing as comedy” that made it there.

Since I don’t do full out reviews of movies, I’ll give you the quick and dirty. This guy (I don’t remember his name) proposes to this girl (shit, I don’t remember her name). So they met at an awkward New Year’s Eve party (I think it was New Years’s Eve). Anyway, this movie goes on and tells us about his decision to leave his job, where he is a sous chef in trendy San Francisco, heaven for chefs and also leave a new opportunity to be an executive chef at a new restaurant to follow his girlfriend on some g-dang mission around the world getting what she refers to as a “teaching position” (being an academic as well, I didn’t realize till an hour into the movie that she was going after a post-doc position. I don’t understand why she applied to only two places, Berkeley and Michigan. With all of the effing colleges in California, why did she feel she needed this post-doc in Michigan at this moment in her life, I don’t know?) I know how important these positions can be in one’s academic life, but I also realize that the realities of life need to be balanced. So, if she wanted this post-doc badly enough, why didn’t she just go do it for a year or two then they get married after that? It seems harsh, but these are the lives people lead when they are with someone or if they themselves are in higher ed trying to achieve college/faculty positions. He was in the much better position at the time in his respective field, so it seems silly that he would have picked up and left for Michigan, but it happened.

Anyway, I’m getting sick of writing this already because of how much I hate this movie. Because Apatow/Rothman/Segal and company wanted to take part in the circle jerk as long as they could, the movie’s story, which could have been summed up in a classic one hours thirty minute framework goes on for over two hours. So, we are fed awkward best friend antics at awkward rehearsal dinners/engagement parties (singing some silly song that is, unfortunately, revisited in an awkward ending, a slideshow of past women the lead guy has been with), the engagement party itself was around ten minutes. Let’s see how else this awkward-fest continues? There’s some scene at the end where the lead chick and her sister have a conversation in Sesame Street voices for at least five minutes. There’s about five minutes devoted to the lead guy chasing the lead girl’s professor/love interest (because, yes, that always happens in real life. The female grad student ALWAYS leaves her fiancé for the professor) down the street for another awkward five minutes. I’m all about comedy, but when a movie is going already so long, you have to be diligent about trimming the fat. Especially when that fat doesn’t add any flavor to the movie. It only adds cholesterol and other bad shit that hardens and clogs your arteries.

And I HATE poorly written movies that put the lead characters in positions unrealistic to their character just to add to the story. I mean, no way this girl would have ever HAD AN AFFAIR with that professor? No way the lead guy would have gone into some sort of man of the wild, bearded, rustic phase of his life which involved meade and fur-covered mugs and tons and tons of venison. And once they separated and he went back to San Francisco, no way would he have hooked up with some twenty-three year old girl who he has nothing in common with. We are led to believe these characters are genuine, but we are also forced to deal with their fuck ups in order to progress a poorly-written movie. And boy, you want awkward comedy, check out the ten-minutes-that-seems-like-an-hour where they show us the lead guy and that new chick’s relationship. Ugh.

People laughed in this theater like this was the greatest comedy produced in decades. So maybe I’m wrong. But then again, maybe they were laughing because they were extremely uncomfortable and had no choice. Maybe, like my girlfriend said, they were laughing so hard because there was so little to laugh at that they wanted to get all of their laughs in. No matter. As you can tell from earlier posts, I’m no fan of awkward comedy. I’m no fan of people trying to make movies into more than they are. This script could have been tightened up, these ridiculous scenes which were uncharacteristic of the figures could have been trimmed, we could have deleted many of these hipster comedy scenes and I think we would have had a nice, cute comedy. Instead, we get the products of a hipster funny circle jerk that leaves us wanting to gouge our eyes out at the end. The great comedies of Hollywood’s past didn’t have to try so hard. They made us laugh. They did it in just over an hour. There’s a reason comedies these days don’t win Oscars.

Rerunguy’s rating: 1.5 out of 4 stars

Shit Ramsay Says

Okay. The Rerunguy loves Gordon Ramsay. He loves any show that guy is on. So, thanks to BBC America, he has been watching Ramsay pretty much non-stop (at least during the day) for a few weeks. He’s decided to post a few gems of his right here, for your viewing pleasure.

Looks like I’ve just given birth. This must be the placenta.

In reference to this Italian eatery’s stuffed steak monstrosity.

Ugh . . . just eat the damned cereal and STFU!

 

So, why can’t this whore just eat the damned cereal right now? WHY DOES SHE HAVE TO WAIT TILL THE MORNING? Did Congress just pass some sort of law? Is it illegal to eat a freaking bowl of cereal at any time of the day?

iPad App Review: AT&T U-Verse

If anyone out there is from my neck of the woods, they would worship the ground that holds the phone lines that allow AT&T U-Verse cable services to provide their awesome HD television goodness. While it might not be the best cable/internet provider, it’s a trillion gazillion times better than the local fare provided here: Metrocast. I’m pretty sure you’ve never heard of them because they suck balls. I mean, they are terrible. “Local service with a smile” is about all they can offer. Oh, and they do offer 42 HD channels. Blistering number, right?

Well, I’m going to do a quick review of their iOS app. But this review is more catered to the iPad app. U-Verse has a guide app, which when you look at it is pretty similar to other guide apps. It’s nice though to be able to see your guide in an iPad fashion rather than flipping through around 463 channels with your remote. It is visually very pleasing, and it is very interactive. You can click a program and it will give you other view times, other shows or movies with the same stars, etc. It’s very useful.

But it gets better when you realize you can record your DVR programs from away. I’ve had to use this a ton. Mostly on my iPhone, but the program is pretty much the same for both the iPhone and the iPad. I’m sure other services – like Verizon FIOS and Cox – might have similar apps. But it gets better.

With the iPad version for U-Verse, you can connect it to your different receivers. So it acts like a huge interactive guide and remote control! This has made channel surfing very helpful. I’ve enjoyed using the guide, just touching a program and then viewing it! It also has an on pad remote control. So you can control all of the basics of the television. Except for volume, because with the U-Verse system, you have to control the volume with the television itself.

So, with all of this awesomeness, are there any drawbacks? Well, for one, THE FUCKING APP NEVER CONNECTS TO THE FUCKING BOXES! If the app actually worked, it would be great! Unfortunately, it NEVER CONNECTS. It gives me a number of different errors, such as “not able to connect with box” or “you must connect to the U-Verse network” (which of course I was. Stupid fuck). I have been trying to figure out the problem, but the only thing that seems to work is resetting the gateway. Which means everything goes out for a few minutes. Pain in my ass. If I ever find a solution, I’ll let you know. There was a recent update a few days ago, which addressed “bug fixes.” But I guess they didn’t fix all of the bugs.

So, check out the app in the iTunes store here if you are ready to get totally pissed at an app that would be brilliant if the mother fucker ever worked.

Scorsese Film of the Week: The Last Temptation of Christ

The Last Temptation of Christ (1988), 7.6 out of 10 IMDB; 83% certified fresh, Rotten Tomatoes

So, recently I’ve become interested in the work of Martin Scorsese. Okay, really, I’ve been interested in his work for a long time. I mean, who doesn’t wish they were Henry Hill walking through the kitchen of the Copacabana in Good Fellas? I’ve already made plenty of references on this blog to Sam “Ace” Rothstein’s awesome shades in Casino. So yeah, he writes gangster movies. He writes movies with strong, violent, Italian characters who have to deal with issues of family, place in society, religion, etc.

But there is a much deeper director within Martin Scorsese. And we are beginning to see it with the recent release of Hugo. I figured it’s time I explore that more nuanced Scorsese as well.

I watched an interview of Martin Scorsese on The Daily Show with Jon Stewart. Scorsese spoke of when he was filming some of his more violent past movies (I believe the specific one he mentioned in this story was The Departed), his daughter would always want to go on set to see filming. Of course, Scorsese dissuaded his little girl from this, considering the violent nature of The Departed. With Hugo, Scorsese said he was making a movie that he had no qualms with his children viewing. Hugo has been a hit thus far with fans and viewers alike. And while I’m no fan of 3D these days, I am quite interested to see a Martin Scorsese movie filmed with 3D in mind all along.

But anyway, I decided after watching his Daily Show interview that I wanted to watch more of the Scorsese movies that seemed to be outside of the norm of his regular body of work. I wanted to broaden my Scorsese horizons. So I figured, why not start with one of the most controversial movies of the past three decades: The Last Temptation of Christ. 

This movie has intrigued me for years. Let’s see. Released in 1988, this would make the rerun guy ummm . . . 9 years old. Even at that young age, I remember Scorsese taking a shellacking from Christians everywhere for releasing this movie. Interestingly enough, he envisioned releasing it in the early 80s but felt that he didn’t have enough Hollywood cred yet to overcome the public outcry. After Raging Bull, Scorsese’s reputation in Hollywood would never be questioned again. And even more interesting is that in that early version, he wanted to cast Sting as Pontius Pilate! (Remember that in the 1988 version David Bowie played the Roman prelate). Anyway, hailing from a more predominantly Roman Catholic area of the world meant that this movie would  draw some negativity (and more interest from me). But the criticism didn’t all come from Catholics; Christians all over the nation had issues with the Nikos Kazantzakis novel and the Martin Scorsese movie.

Why would Christians be up in arms about the movie? The novel and the movie focused on the dual nature of Jesus Christ. Christians not only consider Jesus Christ to be human, but they also consider him to be a part of God himself, the Son of God, part of the trinity of divine persons which form the one true God. In all of the previous iterations of Jesus’s life on the big screen (Jesus of Nazareth being the one that always stands out in my head), the movies focused on his life as teacher, healer, and God. The ultimate sacrifice is made by Jesus; dying on the cross, sacrificing himself to free those good souls from the gates of hell. In all of these movie treatments (and in the Gospels as well) we see a Jesus who is willing to accept his sacrifice without any issue. Only in certain scenes from the Gospels do we see Jesus actually suffering as a human with the life he must lead and the sacrifice he must make.

But The Last Temptation of Christ tells us of the psychological aspect of Jesus having to deal with this duality. One must remember that it had to be a hard pill to swallow, realizing you would have to die a gruesome death to fulfill the prophecies. We are treated to a Jesus Christ as a human, a man with feelings and desires, even sexual desires. This is where some of the criticism comes into play. I don’t need to stress that there is an especially heightened taboo when the words “Jesus” and “sex” are used in the same sentence. The fact of Jesus having sexual relations with woman and fathering children would turn the histories of a number of Christian churches inside out. But this is exactly what the movie wants us to examine. We see Jesus on the cross, being tempted by Satan (in the form of a very creepy girl). Satan proceeds to tell him that God never wanted him to die. He only wanted him to be willing to accept his fate. Just like God did in the Old Testament, he was testing Jesus and he passed the test. We then see Jesus taken down from the cross and we see the life he led. We see him marry Mary, the cousin of Lazarus (yes, the same Lazarus he rose from the dead. Excuse me if I get some of these biblical names wrong). We see him have children. We see him lead a normal life.

But we also see how his saving himself from the cross affected others. We see his apostles who have been suffering endlessly. We see Paul create the myth of a crucified Jesus to teach a moral life. Upon seeing the harm that Jesus’s sparring from the cross would have produced, he wishes that he had never saved himself and that he was back on the cross. That is when we realize that it was only the devil tempting him. Thus when Jesus is back on the cross, he can finally say that he has done all asked of him. Seeing Jesus’s realization of this on the cross as a conclusion to Satan’s temptations is as powerful a movie scene as I’ve ever viewed.

Oh, another interesting thing that the movie focuses on which brought about Christian criticism is that Judas was chosen all along by Jesus to be the one who turned him over to the Romans. After Jesus realized what had to be done, he arranged for Judas to be the one to turn him over. Thus, instead of Judas being a traitor, he was the ultimate selfless hero. Thus, it isn’t a stretch to see that this Judas was one of the most hurt by Jesus saving himself in the devil’s scenario.

I don’t promise to ever review any movie. I am not going to give a scene-by-scene breakdown of movies from the point of view of the “professional” film critic. And I’m certainly going to gloss over a number of aspects of the movie (mainly because I’m lazy). I really  just want to give one man’s opinion. And in my opinion, The Last Temptation of Christ offers a truly fascinating view into the psyche of one of the most important people in all of humanity. While seemingly hitting some Christians below the belt, in the end it only adds to the truly heroic nature of Jesus’s sacrifice. Christian and non-Christian alike should appreciate this movie as one of the truly great Hollywood character studies of one of the greatest characters of all time. Some scenes were kind of out there, such as the seemingly acid induced orgy-like party surrounding John the Baptist’s ministry and the stage show production of Mary Magdalene turning tricks, but still a great movie and an awesome example of the breadth and scope of Martin Scorsese.

And by the way, what an awesome movie score by Peter Gabriel. You should listen to more of it if you ever get a chance (click here for a sample). Here is a link to the song “It is Finished.” Really good stuff.

The Rerun Guy’s rating: 4 out of 5 stars

Here is an interesting interview with Scorsese, Willem Dafoe, and others regarding the controversy of the movie:

The Rocky Saga Doc on Bio Scores a Knockout!

If anyone knows me at all, they have some general idea of just how awesome I think Rocky is and all of the Rocky movies. Rocky for me is more than just a down and out fighter with a million to one shot. He represents the everyman, the little guy who knows he can go the distance. Throughout my life and the thousands of times I’ve watched the various Rocky movies, his struggles and his heart has propelled me to achieve seemingly impossible goals and helped me to believe that anything is possible, in both my academic and personal lives.

Tonight on the Bio network (an underrated network that, I admit, has not been on my radar as of late but should be) a documentary entitled The Rocky Saga: Going the Distance aired. Check it out, even if you’ve never seen a Rocky movie. It will make you WANT to see a Rocky movie. I’ve thought about posting the ultimate review to the original Rocky, one of the greatest love stories of all time. Maybe in the future. For the time being, enjoy the theatrical trailer for the movie that achieve greatness against the odds, winning the Academy Award for Best Picture in 1976, a movie written by a little known actor named Sylvester Stallone, who took a major blow to his salary by insisting he act in the movie, a movie which in many ways was a tome of his own life.

 

 

Spreading some Christmas cheer!

Well, I’m kind of bumming out this Christmas break, so you won’t get any long winded rants about bullshit television (which right now, about 97 percent of television is bullshit, so I’ll have plenty to write about later). But for now, I’m going to provide a series of video clips from tube media that remind me it’s Christmastime. Some clips everyone will know and love (or hate). But some will be definite Xmas diamonds in the rough, little gems that not everyone is familiar with.

This might be one of those gems. From what I definitely consider the most underrated of the Friday movies, Friday After Next. Look, I know it’s not the OG. But this is by far better than the second movie. So, so, so, so much better. Anyway, let’s help Day Day spread some holiday cheer.

Obnoxious, Ungrateful Brat of the Day

 

This annoying little girl represents all that’s wrong with the holidays . . . and with commercials. Just one in a long line of stupid, awkward commercials with awkward moments that usually go on a bit too long for my comfort, almost always involving  soccer moms.

And don’t get me started on the “Hipster wannabe” trend in commercials (yes, I’m looking at YOU State Farm). What, is this dude holding the baby trying to bring the stache back into the scene? Anyway, that’s another long post for another day.

Now, I think Wal-Mart gets it right here. These are pretty awesome too. Okay, seriously, for another post. Gosh.

8 Bit Rewind: Mike Tyson’s Punch-Out (or, The One Holy Grail of the NES I Didn’t Find)

Sadly, the ONE thing that I most regret not accomplishing in all of my years of Nintendo playing:

Absurd Comedy vs Awkward Comedy: Sitcom Television as a Reflection of Society

Too awkward to be funny?

What about him?

A friend of mine and I have discussed at a few tailgates our thoughts on comedic television and what we find funny. One of my all-time favorite shows, Curb Your Enthusiasm, in my opinion at times is comedic genius, bringing viewers into the situations of one man’s life that would never, ever occur in our  own lives. Well, not in my life, at least.

My friend, however, always said that he hates Curb. He has issues with what one might call “awkward” comedy. Laughing at situations that are just so uncomfortable and awkward is not real comedy, in my friends’ opinion. I don’t know if I see his point fully, but I can relate to shows that ARE in fact so awkward that I don’t like them that much. For instance, the US version of The Office (I clarify this because I’ve only watched the first season of the UK variety, which was a carbon copy in many ways of the first US season) has a character that we all love or hate, Dundler-Mifflin manager Michael Scott. The one thing about Michael Scott that I hate is his awkwardness.

I, for one, don’t like being in these weird uncomfortable situations. But if this is a form of awkward comedy, why would I not like that element of The Office but enjoy it in Curb?  I believe it has something to do with the characters of Michael Scott and Larry David. We should almost feel sorry for Michael Scott because, well, somewhere deep inside of him there’s a heart. And he cares inside. He’s just not so adept at communicating it in a non-offensive way. So, we’re supposed to excuse his awkwardness and relish in his comedic life. Right? I’m not the most avid fan of The Office, so maybe I’m getting this wrong. I’m just pointing out that does awkward comedy might work in some areas and not in others.

Now, my anti-awkward comedy friend also dislikes The Office. But let’s get back to Curb.  I love Curb. I believe it’s because Larry David’s character doesn’t have a heart. Is that what makes it me more accepting of his awkwardness? Is it the fact that he’s just being who he is. There’s no deeper level to his psyche. Or is there? I tell myself, Michael Scott should know better. He’s just an idiot. But I look at Larry David, and I say “haha. That’s just Larry being Larry.” I dunno. But let’s finally get to the larger point I was trying to make with this post.

Have we reached a point in sitcom history where only the absurd and the awkward make us laugh?

Too absurd to be funny?

Speaking of absurd, my girlfriend and I have been having many discussions of the sit-com It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia. I believe it is a gem of comic absurdity and is probably (no, it is) the best comedy sit-com on television today. I think it’s funny due to its absurdity. Yet again, we are watching characters that we might never, ever be. We might never, ever share in the experiences of Mac, Charlie, Dee, Dennis, or Frank. But I think the difference here is that we WANT to share in them. At least I do. We want to be a part of their clique.

My girlfriend says that the problem she has with it is that it’s so unrealistic. What are these jabronis doing running a bar anyway? It just makes no sense. One of the things I love about my girlfriend is that we share many of the same loves and hates when it comes to pop culture, but she just doesn’t like it. I, personally, can’t see why she doesn’t.  She can’t stand it (she made that apparent on Facebook as well).

So, what do we have here? A friend who hates Curb because it’s comedy based solely on awkwardness, focusing on a shallow character that we aren’t supposed to like in the first place. Second, I tend to get irritated by The Office because most of it’s comedy is based on Michael Scott’s “awkwardness with a heart” (now, granted, The Office bugs me in other ways as well, in my opinion being a classic example of a show trying to do to much, but that’s for another post). And finally, my girlfriend hates Sunny because it reaches a level of absurdity that she just can’t relate to because she finds it so unbelievable (but she did at least admit to chuckling at some parts last night). What can be gleaned from this?

We could always compare these shows to other giant sitcoms in television history, such as Cheers, and wonder how a show like that had so much staying power while being as unawkward and unabsurd as a comedy about a retired, ex-Red Sox relief pitcher and recovering alcoholic bar owner could be. But such a comparison would be unfair. I think the thrust of society from the tech slingshot of the 90s into the 21st century has changed the landscape of just what makes us laugh.

Awkward and absurd are now becoming a way of life. They are far more apparent in our lives than they were say ten year ago. Back in the day, something awkward or absurd happening to us meant that the moment would be hidden deep in our minds and not shared by many. Now, either by choice or not, it might be filmed with our mobile phones and put on You Tube within seconds for millions to enjoy.

Maybe inside we WANT to be awkward or absurd to entertain, to get some sort of feedback.

Because I think at the foundation that’s what society is all about in 2011. We want feedback. We put posts on our Facebook walls sometimes just to get a response. We want the world to know that we’ve been slaving away at finals studying for the past twenty-four hours on little or no sleep. And we know that there are others out there who have been slaving away in their own way, working fifteen hour shifts to pay bills or working on a few hours of sleep because of a sick baby.

But the new Facebook generation of the 2010s is all about ME. Our lives are now so interesting that we HAVE to share things with everyone. Before (and by before, I mean “back in the day”) one would think twice about posting some aspect of their life: expecting a new baby, maybe getting a new job, passing a final exam. We used to worry about the ramifications of these actions. We knew that there were risks; consequences might later have to be dealt with. So we never shared these aspects of our lives with others until we knew more solidly what was going to happen in the situation. But now, we’re posting shit about our lives before the events even unfold. Most of the time, we accept the risk of these actions for the reward. So we are availing ourselves to whatever happens in life for the reward of other people sharing in our delights, our joys, and our sorrows.

Comedy today is simply reflecting that new mindset.

Would arguably the greatest sit-com of all time have made it on network TV today?

Today we find Cheers to be wholesome. A fond, warm memory of our television past. But by today’s standards, it’s tame. Would Cheers have worked today? Sadly, I can’t imagine the pilot even making it past the network executives’ desks. “Too campy.” “Not edgy enough.”

Maybe we have problems with today’s comedies because we have problems with larger issues in society today. Television just reflects and amplifies those issues. So, we just accept them for what they are and we enjoy television for what it is. Whether it’s reality or fantasy, I’m sure there’s something on the TV that suits your entertainment needs. Isn’t television great?